Field Trip

 In a shift from the norm, yesterday I pulled Timmy from classes and took him on an impromptu adventure. (Before everybody comes at me, it was mostly educationally based.) True to tradition, Timmy did not know our destinations but he was delighted when I invited him to skip school with me. After jumping with delight, he dressed in record time so we could begin our adventures.

 I took him to the Udvar Hazy Space Museum, one of his favorite locations outside of Washington DC. He was delighted to return 'home' and was eager to check out his favorite exhibits. Because we arrived when the museum was opening, there were no lines for the simulators. Usually that section of the museum is very busy and I typically avoid it. But yesterday was special and I decided to include an experience in our adventure.

I let Timmy choose which simulator we were going to experience. He chose the fighter jet, which was the most complicated. I wasn't particularly worried because I can handle the jerky movements of virtual reality rides as long as I close my eyes.  So sure Timmy, let's be fighter pilots.

Crawling into the cock pit of our simulator plane, I was surprised by all of the straps we needed to utilize. I even commented to the attendant that the straps were a really nice touch. He looked at me and mumbled "You will go upside down." I assured him I would be fine because I'll simply close my eyes.

Again he warned me about going upside down before closing the cockpit door and locking us in. Strange warning I thought. But as the simulation began to rev to life I had a haunting realization- did he mean our capsule was going to go upside down?

Within 30 seconds of take off I had our virtual plane nosediving towards the ocean while Timmy and I were flipped upside down in our little capsule. Hanging like bats upside down frantically trying to figure out the controls to right ourselves. We crashed into the ocean.

The game reset, we were transported back to our normal alignment and took off again. Quickly we found ourselves again hanging upside down and laughing hysterically. The suction on my prosthesis broke and I could feel the leg start to shift. I told Timmy who was howling with laughter so much that he ended up farting, essentially hot boxing us with his noxious gas. 

We are terrible pilots but it was a lot of fun! I don't remember the last time we both laughed so much. 

 

Good report

 Yesterday Scott had an appointment with his cardiologist and received an excellent report. I immediately felt a weight of anxiety lift when the doctor said we didn't need to return for six months. It has been a difficult summer as we struggled with the medication, recovery, rehabilitation and a completely new diet. After months of change, I think we are finally settling into a quasi-comfortable post-cardiac event routine. 

Settling into a new normal has allowed me to start to relax and breath. I have spent months on high alert and my body is wearing down. I think I need to invest a little more effort into my own self-care or I won't be much good for anybody. I suppose this is an issue for most (probably all) moms. We, collectively, need to do a better job extending the same grace and courtesy to ourselves that we do to everybody else.

Here's to self-care! 

Wii

 This weekend was rough.  The constant coverage of the shooting in Utah has triggered my grief and anxiety over my brother.  Like Kirk, my brother was shot in the neck. Only when Jae was killed by gun violence, nobody cared. 

The shooting put Jae in my mind, but a series of coincidences over the weekend kept him omnipresent. Robby has been challenging his skills by 'jail breaking' previous gaming systems.  The most recent project has been reworking our old Wii, which hasn't been used in decades. Excited to test out his new features, he called us all into his room. The wind was knocked out of me when I looked at the television screen and saw our avatars from long ago. My brother's avatar was walking around the screen, animated and full of life.

The drama towards the end of Jae's life has made retrieving happier memories difficult. Seeing his avatar I was flooded with memories of the times he played with Robby. When he was healthy, he was a really good uncle. I'm so grateful that his avatar remained to remind me of those times. 

Sigh. I miss him. 

Today Scott has a cardiologist appointment. I'd be lying if I didn't admit to being scared. His blood pressure has been a struggle as of late. I'm hoping it will be a simple medication switch, but I think I will always be scared.

 

Rockets

 In a year of chaos and uncertainty, I am grateful that both Robby and Timmy have settled into their new school routines. Robby seems to love all of his classes, including Biology, and thoroughly enjoys having a room to himself. Timmy is delighted to be back with his 'homies' and has fallen back into a comfortable classroom routine. The peels of laughter that radiate through the upstairs of our house when he is collaborating with his friends brightens my days. 

Unfortunately, Scott is not nearly as happy in his new school. I don't know how to help him because he is using his words sparingly. I know that this has been a huge transition and I'm trying to be patient. Sigh. It's not easy always walking on eggshells. 

This weekend was spent building rockets with Timmy and riding bikes around the neighborhood. I wish I had a more exciting life to share!  Fingers crossed that we all have a good week.

 

Friday

 The second week of school is coming to a close. So far, Robby and Timmy are happy with their placements. Scott continues to be miserable but I am hoping that is starting to change. Slowly he is starting to reference coworkers and share stories about his day. I continue to hope that he will find a different placement within the school. He would be much happier if he were both physically safe and utilizing his 30+ years experience. At the moment, neither of those conditions has been met.

This weekend's Space Fair has been circled on our calendar for about 4 months. Timmy has been eagerly counting down and is beyond excited that the time has finally arrived. Fingers crossed that the weather holds out to allow for clear viewing through the telescopes. My little star gazer is very excited to peak at the planets. We don't have a lot of luck with clear weather and space themed activities but I am optimistic that we are due for some good luck. 

Have a great weekend! 

Gutted

 I've been trying to remain optimistic, but it is a struggle. It feels like we get the rug pulled out from us every time we dare to hope. Although I still love the house, it feels like West Virginia is where happiness goes to die. Despite all of his qualifications, Scott did not receive the coveted position and he is gutted. 

We were really hoping that this position would materialize so Scott could transfer from his current role. With this option being taken off the table, we have both been trying to sort through different scenarios. The one thing we know for certain is that we cannot continue in the current situation. Scott will end up getting physically hurt. I'm optimistic about the results of my interview but I'm almost too nervous to hope at this point.  

 Adulting is hard!

Progress? Maybe!

 Things are moving along in our little family.  On Friday Scott graduated from cardiac rehabilitation, marking the end of his 'recovery' period. Now we are in maintenance and monitoring, which feels like such progress. I am so happy to not have to go to the cardiac care center three times a week. Although I wasn't working out like Scott, I dreaded going because it was a concrete reminder of our vulnerability. It will be nice to ease into our healthier lifestyle.

Robby came home for the holiday weekend. Although he has only been away for a few days, I have missed him and it was nice to see his face. It turns out that he is incredibly lucky because the roommate he was assigned never materialized. My kiddo has a double dorm room to himself! We spent the weekend gathering supplies so that he could transform the spare bed into a lounge area. (This is precisely what I would have done in the same situation.)

This morning Scott woke early and logged into an interview before heading to work. He is being considered for a position that would, in my opinion, be perfect for his skill set. Please send good thoughts. He has been utterly miserable in his current role.